MARRIED TO AN ACTOR – HOW HE “SAVED MY LIFE”

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Alycia here, talking about being married to an actor and how he saved my life!

Okay, so maybe “saved my life” sounds a little drastic, but it’s true!

Before Zeshan, I was uptight, always needed to know what was going on and when, had to plan my days and weeks and months – basically, I was a control freak and I was caught in the matrix.

Life just turned me that way. When you jump from grade school to college then to a job (which you assume is where you’ll spend the rest of your life), it’s hard not to want to control what little piece of your life you can.

I ALWAYS wanted to do something that was not a typical 9-5. I always had ideas of companies I could create, ways I could help people – I just never came across someone who believed in it until ZESHAN.

Zeshan is an artist – he’s an actor and a writer – and his world view was different from mine, but also a lot like mine. 

So how does being married to an actor change my life, you might ask??? Well, here’s how!

1. THE “I DON’T CARE” MENTALITY

So this is not literally walking around saying “I don’t care” to everything. This is more of a “I have a dream/goal/idea” and “I don’t care” if other people aren’t on board with it. 

Sometimes it can be hard to do something when you don’t have the support of anyone around you. It can actually be exhausting. 

Zeshan’s adolescence was not typical. His parents moved to the United States from Pakistan, they basically had to start their life over. His dad was a journalist in Pakistan, he actually did script revisions on Pakistani movies!

When Zeshan was 17, his Mom passed away. He spent the next 10 years helping his father raise his brothers and everything else got put on hold. 

When he turned 27, he decided it was finally time to chase his dream and stop waiting. He moved to NYC and started his acting and writing career – which is when we reconnected. He had to say “I don’t care, I’m going for it” in order to fulfill his greater purpose. 

I saw this and said, well, there’s no reason why I can’t do the same. And the “I don’t care” mentality took effect.

2. GO WITH THE FLOW

In my control freak mind, this was a hard one. BUT, I went from planning everything to planning NOTHING!

This one concept really changed my whole life. The stress and energy I put into having to know where I was going to be, when, with who, etc took over…and people around me definitely found it annoying at times.

I used to try to plan stuff when Zeshan and I started hanging out and I got “I don’t know” and “we’ll figure it out.” And I thought, is this guy serious??

Then one day, I decided that’s it! I’m just going to go with it. And all of a sudden, I was having more fun, life was basically stress free and we were finding ourselves on all kinds of adventures.

Now, when someone asks US what we’re doing in a few weeks, we say “I don’t know, we’ll figure it out.”

3. COMMUNICATION – IT’S A MUST

This seems like a simple concept, but when you are not used to being around people who WANT to discuss their feelings, it can make you feel uncomfortable and awkward.

I was much more familiar with hot heads, tempers, just keeping it to yourself kind of personalities. I was not used to “let’s talk about it.”

This took me years to get a grasp on. Literally, years…it’s a work in progress really.

As an actor (and really, it’s wired into his personality), communication is a huge part of his brain’s wiring. He had to continually chip away at my hard exterior to get me to communicate properly.

And what do I mean by properly? I mean, what I’m feeling articulated into words (without an attitude or temper) to tell him what I like, what I don’t like and how I would like something to be different. 

The end result? We can literally talk to each other about anything and if we have issues with anything, we know how to talk it out and fix whatever needs to be fixed.

4. BE OPEN (EMOTIONALLY)

As straightforward as I can say it, before Zeshan, I was as hard as nails. 

So a small glimpse into how I got my “hard as nails” personality – I have four brothers and a HIGH tolerance for pain. I naturally can handle a lot that comes my way.

This is not in the least a brag, but quite the opposite – it actually took serious work for me to have a lot more compassion. (This doesn’t mean I was mean, I just expected others to be as tough mentally and physically as I was.)

The reality is, I was blocking A LOT of great things from coming into my life. 

As an actor, Zeshan is WIDE OPEN – and because we were working with other artists and actors, I HAD TO learn to soften up and be open myself. The result?? I allowed amazing things to come into my life.

It also just made me a better person. I have more understanding, compassion and love. I’d say all in all a win win 🙂

5. BE PRESENT AND IN THE MOMENT

So when you are a control freak and feel the NEED to PLAN everything, you’re always thinking ahead…not thinking about right now.

That all changed with Zeshan. He’s an actor. His WHOLE frame of mind is opposite. 

Be present. Be here, right now, always. 

What an easy concept, right??

Wrong! 

Because I was always thinking about what was next, I wasn’t 100% mentally paying attention to what I was doing right now. And it definitely affected my relationships.

Zeshan’s training as an actor poured into every aspect of his life, therefore, I learned to live in the moment as well. And everything in my life got better – my relationships with family and friends being the biggest improvement.

CONCLUSION:

I used to say I would never be with an actor – they “lie” for a living. What a wrong misconception if I do say so myself! There are SO many amazing things that have happened to me, so many things I have learned and grown from.

Being with an actor has shown me how to have more compassion, be more open, live in the moment and be MUCH HAPPIER!

All amazing!